Hey, how are you? Great! How’s that work-out going? Fantastic! Good, good…
Ok, now there’s something that’s been on my mind, and in order for our friendship to continue sailing smoothly, we need to sort this out. No, no, sit down. This needs to happen.
So you’ve gotten the most updated phone with fantastic picture quality. Great! You take a picture, you’ve got that perfect angle and the light is hitting just right (let’s not forgets to filter) and you look positively glowing, oh, honey look at them cheekbones! We’re all sincerely happy for you and everything, but that is the 20thselfie you’ve posted on Instagram in the past hour and you need to stop. Like, now. People may not tell you, but I’m trying to be a friend here, so I’m going to fill you in. Everyone cringes when all they see on their feed are your selfies. No really. This is no joke, you may have a serious case of narcissism, and you know what narcissism breeds? Assholes. We don’t need a world with more assholes.
So this is what you need to do. Take as many as you want with your phone, go crazy, have fun, but (and I cannot emphasize this enough) you can only choose 5 to go to the next round. Are you following so far? Great, you already get a star.
Now, add your filters, test them out on the chosen 5 (again, go crazy), but there can only be one winner. There can only be one America’s Next Top Model. It’s ok, cry it out, I’ll wait. There, there. Now are you ready? POST!
Great, now this final step is the hardest. Don’t post for another hour. Yes, I’m serious. Remember “patience is a virtue…To tolerate delay. It implies self-control and forbearance, as opposed to wanting what we want when we want it. Something to think about.” (Some Terminator wisdom to ease the pain.)
Of course if something super amazing happens, then go ahead, and by amazing I mean you randomly run into Kanye West and he agrees to take a picture with you. Are we clear?
Now let’s talk about that selfie you have as your wallpaper…